Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
you win again, gameday.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
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