I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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