I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
