Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
