Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
