I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
