I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I smell stomach acid.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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