god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
i think i have herpe
just one?
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
