listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Randomize
