You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
you would pick up someone in the library
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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