you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
