So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
