i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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