I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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