How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
