Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
