i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
