Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
