Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
