Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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