Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
