I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
