Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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