Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Mom said you looked used
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
