just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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