his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
