My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
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