u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
