So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
