Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
