remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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