More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
How naked do you want me to be?
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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