planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
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