On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
