I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
