I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
