I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
