can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
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