Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
