I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
