Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
that is very illegal...i love you.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
