it hurts more in the daytime
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
He's a Shit stain on my heart
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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