Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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