Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
