dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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