those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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