I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
