I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Did we literally take a cab across the street
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Randomize
