Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize