I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
