i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
