I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
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