I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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