Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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