i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
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