i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Randomize
